Updated: Dec 21, 2022
All my people-pleasers and folx struggling with codependency UNITE and take back your holiday season!
First, its always okay to say no, no matter what time of year it is! That being said, this time of year is often filled with parties, trips, dinners and outings. While its great to spend the season however we like, it can also become just plain overwhelming. We can feel a lot of pressure to make time for everyone and everything, even the things we don't want to do! You know what I'm talking about! Picture this: you're looking forward to the weekend to finally have some time to catch your breath and then you remember.... FUCK! I said I would go to that party. Then you're filled with dread and anxiety as you try and manage how to get out of going without feeling like a total asshole.
But news flash...... NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO YOUR TIME.
We don't have to live this way anymore
1. Because It's Okay to Prioritize Your Mental Health
This time of year can be tough. Between mourning the loss of loved ones, increased eating-disorder triggers, C-PTSD triggers and throw in some seasonal depression for flair. Is it any wonder we struggle this time of year?! With all of that being said it's even more important for us to take care of ourselves during this time. But what does that mean? Sometimes, this means saying no, it means doing less of the things we feel we HAVE to do and more of the things we WANT to do especially if we're people-pleasers. We have a tendency to prioritize everyone around us before we think of ourselves. You need to put your oxygen mask on first.
"When we do what makes us happy it gives others the permission to do the same.
2. It's Okay to Do What Makes You Happy
This brings me to my second point. You don't need to wait until you're feeling burnt out and full of resentment to say "yes" to yourself. When we do what makes us happy it gives others the permission to do the same. Take some time to think about what this time of year means to you. Get clear on what is important to you about this time and you can make better decisions about how to spend your time. Not sure where to start? Think about the experiences and people that leave you feeling energetic, connected and positive. Think about the ones that leave you feeling drained, resentful and overwhelmed. How do you know the difference and what do you notice in your body when you feel that way. Look for those feelings and adjust accordingly. Want some more help? Check out this video from Mel Robbins.
3. Everybody's Needs are Different
We all need different things, and this doesn't change during the holidays. Oftentimes, we can feel pressure to fit the mold society or the people around us present and this can leave us feeling drained, depressed and depleted. Recognize that what makes you happy might not be what someone else would choose and have the courage to honor yourself and your own needs. This process helps us to foster a sense of trust within ourselves to know we have our back in any and all situations. This also helps us to apply this to other people in our lives and not take their decisions personally. If we recognize everyone's needs are different we are okay with doing our own thing and others doing theirs too.
But don't just read this, apply it!
What is one thing you can do to implement this in your life today? If you found this helpful share it with a friend who needs to hear it! If you're in Maryland and looking to stop people-pleasing and get your life back, click the link below!